The freedom to marry differently

How we planned a wedding we actually enjoyed 💒

All wedding photos by Stephany Barboza 📸

When I told Aaron, “I want a ring meaningful to me, but not something someone tries to steal. No jewels or stones!” it took him time to accept the idea. He eventually embraced it, and picked out a delicate, gold band. After getting engaged, I exclaimed it’s like… smashed! and I couldn’t stop holding the band up to the sky, enamored. Thankfully, my new fiancé knew smashed, in this context, was good. He also kindly corrected me. It’s hammered.

I then announced my goal was to find a wedding dress from Goodwill for $50ish. Never mind that I’d spent as much for a volunteer usher outfit—I was out to get a good deal. In a funny twist of events, Aaron ended up being the one to wear Goodwill attire. His blazer was $7 and the perfect find.¹

As the planning process unfolded and we said no to this-and-that-expected-wedding-thing, I felt wings grow from my sides. I realized we were free to make choices reflective of us and our values and personality, while staying in a modest budget. For us, especially since we’d be a blended family, it felt more important to focus on life following our I dos.

Deciding to marry seven short weeks from engagement was unusual. Aaron and I were lucky to receive overwhelming support from our families, friends, therapists, and pastor to do so. We took them at their word. It wouldn’t be possible to please everyone with our future choices, but we’d come back to reminding each other of our priorities, and made yeses and nos and debit card swipes based on that.

Putting together our March ceremony and June reception still required effort and communication (SO MANY EMAILS!) and there were natural stressors, yes. But overall, I’m very happy we tried an approach better suited for us.

While I don’t plan on talking about my wedding a bunch more at Nōto, I thought this post could help folks planning a similar celebration. I’m not an event planner or #influencer and don’t hope to be. I’m just a tad resourceful and willing to be unconventional.

Feel free to skip if this isn’t your jam! Otherwise, keep scrolling to read the choices we made and workarounds we constructed along the way. 👷🏻‍♀️

Getting organized

I planned our whole wedding in Notion which was a HUGE help in keeping all of the to-dos, logistics, and important info organized. The software is simple to set up and super flexible. I created a few databases with custom statuses and properties which were handy while searching for venues and figuring out the guest list/seating.

Finding the right venues

We needed two venues: one for March’s ceremony and another for June’s reception. By the time we’d decided on a March wedding, we had about a month to find a venue. Most places were already booked for June, so I imagined the last minute search would be… interesting.

I started with Airbnb because I’d seen the growing micro wedding trend with cottages or A-Frame homes as backdrops. Most Airbnbs only accepted multi-night bookings, and that wasn’t an option for us. Thinking creatively, other ideas popped up: coffee shops, co-working spaces, small breweries. But the costs were still too high. Then I found Peerspace and Giggster, both event rental sites, and contacted small art galleries, photo studios, and even a floral shop.

Only needing a spot for 14 people, we landed on a gorgeous, naturally-lit photo studio in the city. No decor on our part required—we used the props and furniture already provided. We scored a tremendous deal, and all we had to do that morning was rearrange some chairs and set up a speaker.

We had to find a June venue for 45 guests, but with summer being peak wedding season, we were hard-pressed to find availability on a weekend in the city. Stretching out the radius in miles and on the calendar, we realized places an hour south or north of us on a Friday during the day would be our best bet. So that’s what we settled on, and we ended up celebrating at an art gallery further south. It was every bit as lovely as we’d hoped… and a quarter of what it would’ve cost if we stuck with a weekend in our city.

My bridal look

I did go to a bridal boutique and swoon over costlier dresses, but ultimately I found my dress secondhand on Poshmark for less than $200. It wasn’t a Goodwill find, but it was still a good find for me!

When I thought about my wedding outfit, I wanted whatever I chose to be a “révérence”² to the happiest moments of my childhood—my dancing days. So I picked a dress with bodice and tulle, mirroring what I would’ve once performed in. I bought bobby pins again and threw my hair in a bun. My mom made my gorgeous bouquets and wrapped them with pointe shoe ribbons. And I walked down the aisle to a classical cello and piano piece. I got to be myself through and through. Experiencing the value of those little decisions was liberating for me.

Cost-friendly florals

We knew right away we’d want real flowers, and lots of them. This was one of those been dreaming since a girl requests, so we prioritized it. I found online forums talking about coordinating with Trader Joe’s a couple of weeks before your event to see what florals would be available. Sure enough, the employees were incredibly helpful! The two locations I called were more than willing to set aside buckets for whatever I wanted. We ended up picking out flowers ourselves, but still appreciated them letting us know what we could expect to be in stock the week of.

For June, the peonies were the biggest and best addition. We had bundles and bundles of flowers and saved hundreds of dollars putting them together ourselves. It was a lot of fun, and I’m so thankful to have had help from my family and friends to get everything set up.

Marriage celebration

We decided to call our June reception a “marriage celebration.” This more properly reflected what the time was like, including a mini ceremony led by my father-in-law. Instead of hiding away before walking down the makeshift aisle, Aaron and I greeted our guests. This was a fun choice!

The liturgy was simple and meaningful. Aaron and I read letters we’d written each other which was different from March’s traditional vows.

I imagined the afternoon would still be fun without extra activities like dancing, but it was hard to know what to expect. We had a bunch of games available for adults too, but after eating, everyone just mingled. They looped around the room, like happy party streamers, meeting new faces or reuniting with others. This was a bit magical, and Aaron and I both commented on it later that night. We got to spend most of our time catching up with guests which is exactly what we’d hoped for.

Welcoming the kids

We wanted guests with kids to feel welcomed as a whole family unit. I hoped everyone, no matter how little, felt they were thought of and could be themselves in that space together. I set up a table with LEGOs, paper and markers, and all sorts of games. Next to every kid’s plate was a sticker collection featuring their favorite animals (or my best guesses). I loved how the room bustled with childhood energy, everything from the running and spinning and crying and giggling to questions like whoa how do you get that white thingy to stay on your head?

Illustrated gifts

My mom, who is an incredible illustrator, created and printed our wedding favors. We were thrilled to showcase her work and grateful her generosity could brighten our guests’ walls or shelves! She used our wedding palette and florals as inspiration.

Other decisions I liked:

• digital invites via Paperless Post

• no bridal showers, official parties, or rehearsal dinner

• short, unplugged ceremony

• no bridal party, but informal toasts from dear friends

• dress code: whatever guests wanted

• origami crane garlands as a backdrop

• no bride & groom cake

• to-go pans of pasta for dinner

• mostly disposable dinnerware

• same amazing photographer for both events

• first dance only (we aren’t the party dancing type and would’ve felt awkward… even with our friends)

So, there you have it! A mishmash of how we planned our wedding ceremony and reception. Hopefully reading this highlighted how enjoyable it can be to get creative and free yourself from others’ expectations. Of course, if you prefer what’s traditional, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you want to go another route, you’re welcome to use this post for some ideas.

Let me know in the comments if a decision stood out to you! Do you have other ideas you’d like to add? Go for it.

Here’s to celebrations and feeling free! 🎉
—E.T.

1. I’d been searching for a suit jacket for his Count von Count Halloween costume when I stumbled on the blazer. I pretty much knew it wouldn’t work for the costume, but secretly hoped maybe one day we’d get engaged and he’d wear it on our wedding day. So I bought it. 😉

2. In ballet, the révérence is the final part of the class or performance where you curtsy, acknowledging the teacher, accompanist, or audience.